Today I read an article about quantum entanglement. There is a theory that because we all come from the same beginning (Big Bang) that we are connected to each other on a quantum level. This may explain why you might think of someone you haven't heard from in a long while and then suddenly they contact you. I have a theory to throw into the mix- the- I got a boyfriend and previous men from my life can sense it- theory. In the past week, I've had five guys contact me from out of the blue when I haven't heard from them in forever. Where were these dopes when I was lonely?
The first was Herps. He sends random texts inviting me to see his band. I always decline. The other night, I get one around 2 a.m. saying "Come sit on my face." I'm not even kidding. Now, let me establish that we have never had that kind of dialogue with each other at all. This is akin to a penis pic- totally unwarranted and offensive. I sincerely hope it was meant for someone else and he accidentally sent it to me. The best response seemed to be no response.
Then, I hear from two guys that I had one date with each. They were alright dates. The one guy was closer to my age, and attractive. We had drinks and watched The Shooter starring Mark Wahlberg. The other guy took me to dinner and we later had drinks at an amazing champagne bar. But, no second dates were made. Each of them tried, but I was always busy. Maybe on purpose.
Then, two guys I never even made first dates with contacted me. The one guy, I was supposed to see the Dark Knight Rises with, so that tells you how long ago that was. The doofus just texts me, wanting to get together. Really? Missed your chance, chump. Same for this other guy. We tried to make dates repeatedly. He was always a bit squirelly about it. He claimed he didn't text and we only communicated via email. I eventually told him I thought he was "catfishing" me and that he must be 300lbs. Who knows? Its' kind of infuriating. I went soooo long without anyone. So many lonely nights. Now, I'm bombarded by former connections. The universe is a cruel mistress. I just don't get it. It's as if they can sense that I've found a good man. And, shit, these guys don't even come close. It would be like comparing Tobey Maguire with Chris Hemsworth. My guy is super hot and the man of my dreams. He may screw up birthday planning, but he's awesome. I think Ryan Gosling could proposition me and I'd turn him down. Wait, I'm not sure about that one. Ryan Gosling is on another level from the rest of men. How about Michael Pitt? Yeah, that works. He's damn good-looking." Sorry, Mr. Pitt, I have a man." Seriously, saying "Sorry, Mr. Gosling, I have a man" just isn't a statement anyone would ever say. But, I am head-over-heels for this guy. The world must be able to sense it.
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