Fights

  I was thinking of the worst fights I've had with exes. Generally, I hate to fight with anyone. I'm easy like a Sunday morning. Inevitably, fights happen. We're all human and we get on each other's nerves. The worst fights I've had have been over the dumbest things. Looking back, they're very funny.
  My worst fight with my ex-husband was over eggs. Literally. I only vaguely recall the specifics of the fight. I think I wanted him to cook some eggs and he did but didn't tell me when they were done. So, they got cold. This is some diva shit, like Mariah Carey throwing a fit over the wrong champagne being in her dressing room, I know. Anyway, it got very heated to the point of me, in curlers at night, threatening to leave the apartment. Our arguing record was good though- only about four serious fights in thirteen years.
  One with HeWhoShallNotBeNamed was after playing an SNL trivia game. It was not fun. Probably the most not fun game ever. And, he wouldn't let it end. Then, he got in my face about it. He was a total dick like that. I pulled the "I'm leaving" bit and he threatened to break up with me. It simmered down and we made up. Our worst fight was the break up fight. The entire thing was via phone. First, text then actual conversation. It was such a pussy was to break up with me. Tactless. Grow a set and do it in person. For a long time, I wished eye herpes on him. How do you get eye herpes? You end up in jail, for whatever reason with an inmate the size of Michael Clark Duncan. He then has his way with your face and finishes in your eye. Plus, he has herpes. Hence, eye herpes. If this were the 70's and a Fantasy Island trip, after Mr. Rourke and Tattoo welcomed me to the island, you'd be seeing an ex wearing an eye patch.
  I haven't had a serious fight with anyone in a long time. I have told NBF that he was a fucking asshole after he blew off our plans. We were going to hang out later in the night, but I couldn't get details out of him. Basically, I'll text him and he texts back hours later. It's infuriating if you're making plans. I swear, Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves had better communication in that movie where they were separated by time and communicated via the mailbox. He responded to me hours later saying to not wait on him. I fucking almost missed seeing Argo. Don't mess with a woman and her Affleck, This is when he got called a "fucking asshole". This was sober Erin, too. I can take a lot, but not people blowing me off or stringing me along. People are lacking common courtesy anymore. Respond to texts or fucking say you don't want to talk.

  When you're in a relationship, there's always some give and take. I feel in some of the ones I've had, the give has been more in regards to watching TV. If anyone knows me well, they know I love TV. I just like to have it on in the background. Ever since my childhood, it's been an odd comfort. When I was little, I'd sneak out of bed and lay under the kitchen table so I could watch more TV. Generally, guys are pretty good with letting me have the remote. However, two men stick out as remote hogs that watched weird shows. Now, both claimed to watch these things as a joke, but I think it was serious viewing.
  The one guy, I'll call shorts. He wore shorts even in the winter. Shorts liked to put wrestling on to watch. Now, I haven't watched wrestling since middle school when I went through a short-lived wrestling phase. I was kind of livid every time he put it on. It was put on in the guise of a joke. Oh, haha, wrestling is on. But, it was on a lot for extended periods. That tells me he really liked it. In fact, we got in fights over it. He thought I got "the joke". Mind you, this was on My TV at MY apartment. When we argued, he demanded to be taken back to his parent's house. You know, where he lived. I had to drive him because he didn't have a car or a job. But, this is another story.
  The second case was even stranger. HeWhoShallNotBeNamed loved to watch this weird ass special on PBS of these Irish tenors singing. He watched it all the time. Granted, he made it look believable because he made fun of the guys. I laughed the first couple of times. I bet you money that he has watched it recently. He had to have secretly loved it. I make fun of Ghost Adventures, but I'll admit, I love the shit out of it. I think it's hokey and douchey, but it's glorious. Admit you love those tenors, you cheating bastard.
  Thank goodness that my longest relationship was free of TV domination. My current non-relationship with NBF (non boyfriend) is very fun. We watch a lot of Netflix prison documentaries and I even got him to watch Luther. I don't know if I could live with a man again. To relinquish control of the remote sickens me. As a woman, there's always periods of sports watching. I liken it to being a cat. You're sitting there on the couch, doing your thing. It's relatively quiet. Then, BAM, your guy is off the couch, yelling at the TV. Meanwhile, you have jumped out of your skin. By the end of the game, you have what feels like PTSD. I was in a bar the other night and a hockey game was on. It was a room full of people doing that shit. I felt like taking a bag of soda to everyone's heads. It makes you want to sneak into their rooms while they're sleeping and blog a foghorn into their ears. So, I don't miss that at all.
  Hanging with NBF has become very infrequent, so I've been sleeping alone, watching many episodes of Luther. When I watch them all, I'll be depressed. It's saved me from thinking about men and relationships and everything wrong with life. And, just know, that somewhere right now, Shorts is watching wrestling and an asshole is watching Irish tenors on PBS.

Let the airing of grievances begin

  I decided to start a second blog for several reasons. First, not much is going on in my dating life to write about on my dating blog. Second, I'm reading a book about how to change yourself. The author prescribes meditation and writing down your thoughts. My thoughts are generally about men and past men in my life. What better way to "journal" than to blog it, right? Third, it'll just make me laugh. My past relationships have been infuriating, exhilarating and somewhat ridiculous. I'm sure this will be therapeutic and entertaining.
  I came up with the idea while talking to my good friend. We were discussing this giant sinkhole that formed under this man's house and swallowed him. They didn't recover his body. We felt that didn't try hard enough. Like they just gave up. Neither of us know much about sinkhole body recovery, but we felt bad for this forgotten man. I declared we should go rescue him. Not only would we be heroes, but it would be a huge "fuck you" to a couple of our ex boyfriends. Around the same time a few years ago, we were each dating these big, macho guys. The guys were very similar- they thought they were always right and we were everything that was wrong with the world. Her ex declared that she would slow him down in any kind of civil war/zombie apocalypse situation. But, if we rescued the sinkhole guy, we could get some kind of satisfaction. (And rescue this poor man, because, sweet Jesus, I don't think anyone even cares to look for him).  Throw us to the zombies? I don't think so, because we're freaking heroes. They would both see us on the news from their parent's house. (Trust me, I think each one is still living with his parents). We could give them a face rake right to the camera. They'd know it was aimed at them.
  It made me remember all the ridiculous things this particular ex did and said. I thought it would be great to just devote a post here and there about various exes. Honestly, I'm sure there's tons these men could say about me, but let them start their own blogs. This lady knows her shortcomings.