Fights

  I was thinking of the worst fights I've had with exes. Generally, I hate to fight with anyone. I'm easy like a Sunday morning. Inevitably, fights happen. We're all human and we get on each other's nerves. The worst fights I've had have been over the dumbest things. Looking back, they're very funny.
  My worst fight with my ex-husband was over eggs. Literally. I only vaguely recall the specifics of the fight. I think I wanted him to cook some eggs and he did but didn't tell me when they were done. So, they got cold. This is some diva shit, like Mariah Carey throwing a fit over the wrong champagne being in her dressing room, I know. Anyway, it got very heated to the point of me, in curlers at night, threatening to leave the apartment. Our arguing record was good though- only about four serious fights in thirteen years.
  One with HeWhoShallNotBeNamed was after playing an SNL trivia game. It was not fun. Probably the most not fun game ever. And, he wouldn't let it end. Then, he got in my face about it. He was a total dick like that. I pulled the "I'm leaving" bit and he threatened to break up with me. It simmered down and we made up. Our worst fight was the break up fight. The entire thing was via phone. First, text then actual conversation. It was such a pussy was to break up with me. Tactless. Grow a set and do it in person. For a long time, I wished eye herpes on him. How do you get eye herpes? You end up in jail, for whatever reason with an inmate the size of Michael Clark Duncan. He then has his way with your face and finishes in your eye. Plus, he has herpes. Hence, eye herpes. If this were the 70's and a Fantasy Island trip, after Mr. Rourke and Tattoo welcomed me to the island, you'd be seeing an ex wearing an eye patch.
  I haven't had a serious fight with anyone in a long time. I have told NBF that he was a fucking asshole after he blew off our plans. We were going to hang out later in the night, but I couldn't get details out of him. Basically, I'll text him and he texts back hours later. It's infuriating if you're making plans. I swear, Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves had better communication in that movie where they were separated by time and communicated via the mailbox. He responded to me hours later saying to not wait on him. I fucking almost missed seeing Argo. Don't mess with a woman and her Affleck, This is when he got called a "fucking asshole". This was sober Erin, too. I can take a lot, but not people blowing me off or stringing me along. People are lacking common courtesy anymore. Respond to texts or fucking say you don't want to talk.